Monday, January 18, 2010
Today I said goodbye to half of who I am....you know...that part that makes me complete. The part that makes me smile and laugh....the part that makes me feel like I have a huge purpose in life and if I wasn't here he would not be complete. Today I said goodbye to my soldier, my love, my husband! As I sat in the airfield in our last few hours together I willed myself not to cry because I want him to know that I will be alright while he is away! I want him to know I will survive and carry own while he is on the other side of the world defending our freedom. But I wondered how I could do this when I didn't feel alright...when I don't feel like I can survive. But I must survive...I will survive...not only for him, but for my little boy who doesn't understand his daddy is not coming home tonight....nor tomorrow...nor for the next 8 months! I have to stay strong so he will not feel like his world is falling apart and so that he knows that his daddy loves him and is doing this so he can grow up in a free country...the best country in the world...America! Although I tell myself I must do this...all I really want to do is crawl into bed and hold my husbands pillow close and not wake up until September....yes I admit...I want to fall apart! But I must not...I can't! Today I had to kiss my soldier and hug my soldier realizing that for 8 months I will not be able to reach out to him for a hug when I'm having a bad day. Realizing he will not be there in the morning to kiss me awake...realizing that every afternoon I will wait for him to come home so I can kiss him hello and ask "how was your day" and then it will hit me....he is not coming home today! So this is it....this is me falling apart...and after I click "publish post" I will go lay down in our bed and curl up with my husbands pillow and fall apart...but as soon as my son wakes from his nap I will be ok...I will be strong...I WILL Survive! Because I have too! Because I must! Because the soldier that I said goodbye too is counting on me just as you are counting on him to protect your freedom! So to my soldier...I love you...please stay safe and I will be counting down the days until you come home and you can hold me in your arms again!