Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I need to tell you about the love of my life... for those that actually really follow my blogging you probably realized that not 2 seconds ago I just published a post that was...well...pretty intense. I had a lot of things inside of me that needed to get out and I will be honest...I feel sooooo much better. :) But since it was a little on the.... how should I say this....mean side (lol) I really wanted to do something a little more lighthearted. So you can see that I'm not really a B....well you get the point. :) I have actually been thinking about writing this blog for a while but haven't done it yet...I didn't really think people would really care to "hear" me gushing over my son...but you know's my blog...if its too much for you to stomach well...just stop reading! First off...I LOVE my son more than I ever could have imagined loving any one. The moment I met him was the moment I realized there was such a thing as love at first sight! most of you know my "baby" is turning 2 on Friday and he is just getting so big! I can't believe it!!! But I just want to share a few things that I love to hear the most from him! First as you can imagine, my favorite thing to hear cross his lips are those precious words...."mommy I love you!" I seriously have never heard anything so sweet and it makes me want to melt...and yes...I did cry! Actual funny story behind that though was the first time he said it was one day after I put him down for a nap. I always tell him I love him after tucking him I was heading to the door he said " you"...I thought I would melt right there. So I once again told him that I loved him and then shut the door and went into the other room...where he then proceeded to yell over and over again..." you". So what did I realize...yeah...he wanted out of bed! But I still will take it...he loves me. :) Another story that will go down in the memory box is one day at the mall. I had just dropped Wes off at the airport for some kind of secret training (lol) and so I decided while I was in Nashville I would do some shopping. Well first things first...I had to pee! So we head to the bathroom...well of course I had to bring Ian and his stroller into the stall with me. While I'm sitting there peeing (i know...great mental picture for you lol) my son says rather loudly " poo poo"! After the words come out I immediately heard laughter from the other stalls. So what was I to do...well I'll tell you what I did..I had a quick talk with God wondering why I ever wanted my son to talk and then I chuckled...after all if it was some other kid doing it to some other mom...I would have laughed too! But what I have discovered watching my son grow is how fun it can be to see the transformation! But I think so far...the most exciting experience for me is him learning how to talk. I think it is so precious! Here are some of my favorite things he says. "I Bop it" now this one took me a little while to figure out...he is saying "I dropped it". Another would be "tiss" which I'm sure you can guess is "kiss". And he always says this when Wesley leaves for work. He says.."I wanna tiss...I wanna tiss". It is so sweet. His other knew thing which is so funny to me is when he pats my arm and says "mommy, mommy" and he will continously do this until I look at him. And as soon as I look at him he starts jabbering about whatever. And if you turn away too soon he will start tapping me again. So funny...but I can also see how this can get annoying very quickly. Another thing I have been teaching him is to say how old he is and his name. So I ask "Ian how old are you" and he will say "two" and it sound so cute. Although when I ask him what his name is he usually tells me "name". But when he does say it sounds more like "in". LoL And the funniest thing I think he does is his new thing where he says "yeah" to whatever he likes. For instance you ask "Ian do you want to go see MoMo" (one of Wesley's buddies...and how he got the name Momo is a story that I will NOT share at this time. LoL) Ian will then respond "yeah yeah" in such an excited voice! He also love "airpanes" (he forgets the "l" in there) and he can spot these things from miles away and gets crazy excited about them. I could litterally go on and on with his words...he has a HUGE vocabulary...but I will stop boring you. But I do want to end with just one more phrase he says. And it is "dit down"...which of course means "sit down." I think this is so sweet at times. He wants to play with you or cuddle with you...basically he wants to spend time with you and he ask you to "dit down." The Lord is actually teaching me some things through the phrase "dit down". (I know you are probably thinking what in the world LoL) Let me explain...when I'm doing something..I really don't like to get interrupted...especially in the middle of my cleaning groove or when I am cooking. Sometimes though I'll be caught up in something and Ian will call my name and I'll walk in the room and he will point to the couch beside him and say "dit down". And sad to say I usually will say...just a minute baby mommy is busy. But it's in those moments when my son looks so sad cause he just wanted me to "dit down" with him that it seems God nudges me and says..."go sit down with him whatever you are doing can wait". So I put down whatever I'm doing (usually super) realizing whatever it is can wait because my little boy wants me to spend time with him...and there is nothing more wonderful in the world then sitting down and having my son climb into my lap and lean his head back and my chest and just sit and cuddle! And isn't it kind of how God is. He just wants us to spend time with him...sit with him or crawl up in his lap and cuddle. But how often do we find ourselves too busy and we say..."wait a minute God...I'm busy right now"? Sometimes we just need to stop whatever it is were doing and realize it can wait because there is nothing more important then spending time with God! I'm here to tell you it's the little things in life that I am learning to cherish...and I am being taught this from the love of my son, Ian Gideon!

I need to rant a little.... (not for the easily offeneded)

So you read the title...if you get offended or think I'm going over the should have stopped as soon as you saw ... after my title. :) Just giving you fair warning! So what has me ticked off today you wonder? Well I'll tell's people! Not just any people...but the ones who are mean and conniving and just so stupid because they seriously think that they are God's gift to society! Let's first start out with how they view themselves and then I will follow with how I view them! (I'm warning you this isn't going to be pretty! First off...they think they are well liked, are very popular and funny and that they have a ton of friends. What do I see...they are all alone. They literally have no life...meaning no one invites them over and they rarely go out! They sit on the couch or bed and cyber world is their friend (or the tv...or food) The "friends" they think they have actually can only stand them at little spurts. How do I know this you ask? Well just talk to their "friends" it will usually come out! Second...they go on about all of the things they have done in the past!'s great and all...I mean come on...don't get me wrong I like to tell old stories about my past...but you want to know the difference here...I don't live in my past. I actually have stories about my present and am looking forward to the ones I'll have in the future! This kind of goes back to the fact that...they have no life! Thirdly...grow're an don't always need to run to mommy, daddy, the team SGT or whoever your protector is every time your little feelings are hurt! Very recently something happened to me (and I can't remember what it was) and I happened to say those famous words..."it's not fair"! (come on...I know you have said them as well) A wise lady immediatley said..."who told you life was supposed to be fair...cause whoever told you that I want to meet them"! This is so isn't fair...the best thing I can tell you...grow some thicker skin! Fourthly...(i'm really on a role here now lol) why is it that the people that have no ambition in life...they sit around all day doing absolutely NOTHING...they have no goals...they have accomplished nothing....why do these people always seem to be the ones to criticize? I don't get it folks...I mean I really don't get it! And you all know the ones they criticize. Well they pretty much criticize everyone....I mean if there was a job for critizing people they would be the founders making millions! But I have found the people they criticize the most are the ones who have actually accomplished something in their lives. And they have done this with a very minimial support group! I think it's so true that these people tear down others so they themselves won't look so bad...but I'm just here to say it doesn't work. Y'all are see through!!!! Fifthly....please, please stop riding off of the success of friends and family! It's not your's theirs...let them have their moment. Cause only care about it when it benefits you and can makes you look good. Any other time you are just hateful towards that person! Believe me there is so much more I can say and want to say...but I think you get the jist. I know most everyone reading my blog knows someone like this...and probably it's more than one person. A name has probably already popped into your mind as you were reading! And so I know you can relate with me. But I honestly can NEVER understand how people can be so hateful and cruel to an individual! I don't care if you don't know them...please be kind. But folks especially to people you call friends and your family...don't tear them down...because in reality... yeah...we may get mad for a minute (like me right now lol) but you know what...I'll get over it by the time I'm done writing this. The damage you are doing is to yourself...because you are pushing people away. One day you are going to realize you are truly alone and the people that you need to be there for you...well...we're gone! We can only handle so much cruelness and anger! So suprisngly enough...I feel so much better...see I'm already over it. :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Please tell me how do you prepare for this?

I realize it has been a few days since I've blogged...and I do apologize...we have been super busy and by the time I get home I crash and my mind can not even begin to think straight for a blog. You would be wondering what I was on for sure. :) But there is something I would like to share with my deareset blog friends. Something happened to me a few days back that caught me off guard and I thought I had plenty of time to prepare for it...but it happened sooner than I thought. Has that ever happened to you? Cause if it has...then you can very well relate to what I am about to say. So as most of you husband is in 5th Special Forces Group...and if you still have no clue...he's a Green know like John Wayne. LoL There that should be clear enough. :) What does this mean you ask...well it means he is gone a LOT! But let me stop here for a sec...this blog is in no way, shape, or form written for you to feel bad for me or to think I'm more of a woman or whatever...I am NOT that kind of Army wife! This is just me being open...I don't need sympathy..I chose this life and we adjust...and my husband loves his job...I couldn't be happier. I have a lot to say about Army wives who constantly whine and complain and are always looking for someone to say "poor you"...and what I have to say about that is not good. :) But anyway...that is another blog in and of itself. haha So my husband is gone a lot...for instance we got married in June...he left in July and I did not move to be with him until the following January. The week after I got there he left for training and so on and so forth. This year alone he has been gone every month and some of those months were consecutive...meaning he didn't come home some months. I of course miss him when he is away...but truth is it has become life...I thankfully am very I just keep going...never giving it another thought. On October 30, changed. Our beautiful son was born and the thought of Wesley going away honestly frightened me a little. I could take care of myself when he was away...but what about another human being...especially one that depended solely on me? So the day come...duty called...Wes was off again for God only knows how long. I prepared myself as best I could and you know what...I survived. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We got in our little routine and everything just seemed to flow. So that's how it went...Wes would leave...we would go on with life and then celebrate when he came home. Until Ian started getting older..then it changed somewhat...daddy would leave and Ian would act out for a few days...then all would be well...and then when daddy would return Ian would be excited for the first day and then jealousy of sharing mommy would sink in...but that was to be expected. I had prepared for that...we once again adjusted to the new way of things. Well now my son is almost 2 (I can't believe it) and as you can husband is gone again...and something happened to me (or should I say us) that in the back of my mind I knew I needed to prepare for...but honestly thought it wouldn't happen for a while. So my husband leaves and everything is normal...Ian has gotten into this habit that when Wes leaves for work Ian ask him for a kiss...well when we dropped Wes off at the airport he was in quite a bit of a hurry and didn't get to kiss Ian bye. Well Ian was greatly disappointed and kept pointing at the double doors Wes had went through crying "kiss, kiss". I was very sad for him...but what could I do...Wes had a plane to catch. Thankfully...they delayed his plane for several hours so Ian finally got his kiss. We drive home that evening and all is well...the next day Ian has a bad day acting out...but it is very normal cause his daddy just left. The day after he is just fine...things are going very normal....we are in our "daddy's away" routine. Then it happens...Wesley finally gets the time to call..and it's right before Ian's bed time so of course I ask if he wants to talk. What happens next is what I was NOT prepared for...Ian takes the phone and as soon as Wes says "hey buddy" Ian starts crying and pointing at the phone saying "daddy" over and over. He was so upset he wouldn't stop crying (now mind you this wasn't hysterical crying..but tears were coming out of his eyes and down his little chubby cheeks). I ended up holding him for a bit and then putting him to bed. What more could I do? I'll tell broke my heart. I sat there after I put him to bed wondering what he must be could he know what was going could I explain it to him...or most importantly could I have prepared him more? I felt so helpless that night wondering if this was going to happen from now on...every time Wesley leaves. I'm going to be honest...I don't know if I can deal with that. As I am writing this I am crying at the thought of my little broken hearted son wondering why his daddy isn't there to play with him or tuck him in for the night. That is daddy/son time there...bed time...when Wes is home he always puts him to bed and they talk and play for a bit before he actually puts him down. Of course...Ian being the 2 year old he is...wakes up the next morning as normal and happy as can be. And thankfully the next time Wes got to call (which was today :) Ian was fine...talked to him like normal. But I sincerely ask do you prepare for that...please tell me!