Sunday, May 9, 2010

I never believed in love at first sight until I met you

It is the end of the day...a very special day...it is Mother's Day. My 3rd Mother's Day! As I sit here thinking (scary huh?) and think back on the last 2 and half years of being a mother I can't help but be amazed. Amazed that I am not only celebrating my mom...but I am celebrating being a mom. There was a time when I actually thought this day would mean nothing more to me then celebrating my mom, and her mom, and my mother in law and my sisters beings moms...well you get the idea. And it's not because when I first got married I said I would never have children (and yes I said that....hey...don't judge...there have been worse thing said)...but it's because when I was 17 I was told by a doctor (and without really going into too much detail) that if I were to want children it would more than likely be hard for me to conceive. Of course at 17 I could care less...remember...I didn't want kids! Not that I didn't like them...I just liked giving them back. haha But somewhere along the road I had a change of heart...and Wes and I decided it was time...we wanted to add humans to our little family (we only had dogs). And then it started...the journey...but that's not what this blog is about...so I will just say this...a year and a half and 2 miscarriages later I finally got pregnant and was able to carry him to full term and on October 30, 2007 Ian Gideon Carey came into this world...and that's when I became a believer in love at first sight!

It is amazing how much love you can feel for someone that you have seen for the first time. No words are said....he does nothing for himself....he takes up all of my spare time...he cries...he poops...I clean it up...but there he was...it was all about him...and I was hopelessly completely head over heals in love!

But let me jump back several months. About a week or 2 after I found out we were having our son I was sitting at our kitchen table in Ft. Bragg and was doing my daily devotion. And I believe nothing is by chance...but it just so happened on that day that I was reading 1 Samuel chapter 1. And for those of you who are not familiar with this chapter it is a story about Hannah...a woman who could not conceive and was heartbroken because she wanted a child so badly....she was pleading with God to give her a child. It was so easy for me to relate to her...I had been there. I had cried and pleaded to God for a child...I had seen other women get pregnant and begged God to take away the jealousy...begged God to give me a child of my own...and at times it seemed like God wasn't listening...or really that maybe he was just saying no...when really he was just saying wait...wait for me...wait for my timing. I found out His timing is perfect! But anyway...back to Hannah...God finally granted her wish and she became pregnant and bore a son! (at the time I didn't realize I was having a son...but wow...another thing we have in common) And as I read farther in the chapter I came to this verse and I have to be honest...I cried...and I claimed this verse as my own...and I had peace that day...peace that I would have this child...I would finally carry full term. I Samuel 1:27 ~ For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him:

I'm still looking for this scripture in a frame to hang on Ian's door! Because although I knew what Hannah was feeling when she couldn't conceive...I also know what she felt like when she did!!!!

I'm not going to lie...there are times when I get tired...times I wonder what the heck I was thinking lol Like when we are out to eat and he doesn't want to sit and eat, but I want him too...so he decides to throw himself on the floor and start screaming, or times when he is so frustrated and I don't know why so I can't help him...so he just gets more frustrated! Or when I try to break his will and he is being so stubborn and it takes an hour to get through to him...and it is to the point where we are both at tears. Times when I think that I am so tired of doing this on my own...I'm tired of being the bad guy. And then it happens...one morning I wake up to him crawling in bed with me...and I turn to look at him and he is staring at me with those big blue eyes with his thumb in his mouth holding his woof woof...wrapped up in his cars blanket and all of a sudden the sweetest most beautiful smile I have ever seen spreads across his face and he giggles and that's when I say "Thank you God...thank you for blessing me with him". It is those times that make all the hard times worth it! Because for this child I prayed...and God heard me and gave me what I wanted...what I needed...exactly when I needed it!

So on my 3rd Mother's Day...I just want to give thanks....thanks for having the privilege of being a mom...and although I don't know if God will bless us with another child (which I hope He does) I do know this... I now truly know what it feels like to fall in love at first sight and to know that no matter what happens...whatever my son does...I will always love him...it's an everlasting kind of love!


2 comments:

  1. This is so very beautiful!! :) Happy Mother's Day!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautifully written. It brought me to tears, because I know exactly what you mean! What a blessing our children our from the Lord!

    ReplyDelete